Sunday, March 21, 2010

breaking the silence

Wow. Who knew I could shut up for over a month? Sometimes I even amaze myself. Not so amazing, though, when you lose your words. Melly's son dying kind of pushed that situ over the edge for me. She and Ken were so beautiful at Justin's memorial service. He was an amazing kid, smart and sarcastic and nearly sincere in his proposal of marriage to me over my cheesecake and mac 'n cheese. My heart still aches for the empty place he leaves in his family, but the boy who had all the odds stacked against him from the word 'go' packed a whole lot of life into his 22 short years. The urge to rail against God, fate, the universe... it's a common reaction. Seeing Melly accept what couldn't be fixed and knowing she's strong enough to keep breathing... that was amazing to see, but I hated that there wasn't any other choice for her. She's just not a crumble-to-the-ground person, and what good are tears when the damage is done, the loss has happened? I have a new and unexpected distaste for that saying 'it's all over but the screaming'.

I probably started this post thirty times in my head, and never got past the first two sentences. Turning 40 hasn't brought me any wisdom and illumination, unless you count the extra silver my hairs are sporting. They seem damn illuminated...
No other news worth tappity-tapping about. It's been a quiet couple of months here at Becher Haus. I got bored with whisky and took up tequila. Amy, the Belly Dance Instructor Extraordinaire, has mentioned another performance in May, which is kind of soon for me, scarred as I am from my foray into the world dressed as a Village Person back in October. My sock habit has gone from bad to worse, as I now have possibly a dozen socks on needles. No biggie, you say? That's a dozen Second Socks that may never happen. Or, rather, nine. Three sets of two-at-a-time-toe-ups are on needles. So, there is a chance all will be well for them, given time and attention.

Attention. There's a word for the day. One of me and a whole lotta else. Starting to feel the pressure. Clementine has been a major pain in my arse since December, and I'm cracking under the strain. I sent a snarky e-mail to an equally snarky old man the other day, who complained about the store's newsletter. You know, the one with the 'safe unsubscribe' button at the bottom? Oh, and the e-mail list that the customer's have to sigh themselves up for? Yeah. I might have been less than complimentary... you want to see? Really? *sigh* Okay... if you insist...

Dear Mr. McCoy-
As I only use e-mail addresses provided to me by my customers, and have gained permission from all parties involved prior to putting a customer's address into my database, I am appalled that you are having difficulties with the newsletter. I send them out so infrequently, you see, but if another one should happen to darken and defile your apparently fragile 'inbox', you have only to scroll to the bottom and click on the 'safe-unsubscribe' link.
It's really that simple. My apologies for your distress.
Camilla Becher
Clementine's Dry Goods

See? Sense the restrained shitty? Yeah, I've had a few months of that. I love my customers, I love having a place to let color and ideas run wild, but I'm about all out of happy with the economy, and crabby old farts, and lib-tards. uh-oh... insert ranty bit here...
If you're a Democrat, I apologize for the slam, but it's not about you. I'm pointing out a problem I have with Some Others... those people who forget we have a political system in place where we get to express ideas and vote and do all kinds of fabulous things, and here's a Newsflash(!!!)- we don't have to agree, and that doesn't make me an ogre simply because I don't believe in welfare programs and I think the military deserves way the hell more money to pay soldiers. Just. Back. Off. We aren't changing each others minds, and though I can accept that, and value you for your humor and thoughtfulness and creativity anyway, you get to be close-minded and throw me under a bus whilst feeling self-righteous and, to my surprise, 'open-minded'. This is my blog, where I get to be indignant and pissy and vent all the things I rarely get to say to actual humans, though the rant you just read has flown out of my mouth several times over the past two years. I'm a go-with-the-flow kind of person. My best drinking buddy is a huge Democrat, and that's not just 'cuz she's tall. I like people with convictions. I just wish more people weren't so programmed with intolerance. Strangely, more of it comes out of the Other camp, if you feel me.

Now, I was supposed to have a hot date with lil' friend Susan tonight, but a co-worker decided to have labor pains, so she'll be slaving away at her Starbucks instead. Justin Moore is in concert April 2nd. I'm in need of a country music fan to endure it with me, as Herr Becher just looked at me as if I'd sprouted a third ear when I asked him. Time to hit the elliptical for a 60 minute torture session, then some of those new, illuminated gray roots are screaming for a touch-up. l8r, kittens...

7 comments:

Kellie said...

i don't know you more than an occasional stop into clementines...but i must say...you are completely lovable! thanks for being so real!!!

Tam said...

I'm feeling you, sister. Vent on.

@eloh said...

Well, hell, if McCoy was really the name.... you should'a let your Hatfield "genes" fly.

So sorry for Melly. Losing a child is a club no one wants to join. Hopefully, I said something to her at the time... but you know how my mind is... or ain't is probably more descriptive.

So, I finally found the "Change" Obama has been talking about.... it was in the couch cushions... who knew? Your cuz needed a pair of pants so we went into a real clothing store for the first time in years.... she took my picture... Deep South "shoppin'.

Hey, I'm sending a check... I hope that material I wanted is still available....I hunted my sewing machine for five months.... gave up that it had been left behind... turns out I was sitting next to it the whole time. I'm not real sure what that says....

Thimbleanna said...

Ha! Nice to see you back! And definitely thinking of you this evening, having just watched the big congressional vote. I'm feeling another Very. Well. Deserved. rant coming on.... ;-)

Aliya said...

Wow I don't think I have words to come up with. Please tell Melly how deeply sorry I am for her loss and yours as well.

I am still waiting on my Alice socks *wink* *wink*

Could you please clear out your voice mail box so when little sissy calls to wish you a Happy Birthday she doesn't get that message that says older sisters mailbox is full. Anyway I am off to fold a mountain of laundry cause it's only 3:00 a.m.

Love you

The Brat

Spiderlady said...

I feel your pain sista!!! The worst of them are coming out of the woodwork. Business with the public is a little tougher than I had anticipated...for the most part it is fantastic but just those darn few...I found going to bed with a wire hanger in your mouth, keeps you smiling till about 1pm.

Anonymous said...

Well, I was planning to drive to your shop from over an hour away today....but luckily I saw this blog post....so "The Other Side" is somehow less tolerant? Just so you know, this "lib-tard" was fully planning to drop a few hundred bucks at your shop. Not now. I'll take my business somewhere else.