Thursday, December 13, 2007

Clementine's big gripe

Aha! There you are. It has taken quite a little while to get back here to the computer to post. I'm finding myself overwhelmed with the minutia of daily existence these past few days. Wednesday saw me flooded with bolts of fabric... okay, only about 70 bolts, but unexpected, as I had not given the company the go ahead to ship it to me. Today, while waiting to hear from the fabric company about the shipment, I find out that the whole paperwork dance we did last month so I could get a wee, teensy loan was for naught. Do you want to know why ? This is really funny, so hold onto your seat... the credit cards we paid off (store debt incurred buying stuff to sell) now leave me with (wait for it...) too much credit and I'm apparently a huge credit risk, paying off my bills with a second mortgage. If it weren't so f*cking ridiculous I'd be in tears, but I had a shitty childhood, and it takes waaay more to bend me. I don't know how to make the bank stand up and take notice, and don't think I didn't already think of getting a penis, but Emma says I'd have to go to Thailand, and airfare is just too pricey. And yes, I know if I was running a bait and tackle shop, or a lawn mowing service, or just wanted a loan for a big honking television, I'd have the money already. Yep, I just need a penis in one hand to get the loan in the other. SBA loan? Who needs it? Me and my ulcer are just fine the way we are, penisless and trapped in a broke woman's body.

For all those in favor of the boob hats, the basic pattern is cast on 88 sts loosely (I use a Brittany size 9.5 needle. Don't tell me they don't exist... I have a set of 5 dpns... I don't hallucinate in quintuples). Then I switch to size 7 dpns and knit around until the hat fits comfortably down over my ears, or a bit longer for a person with a big head. Begin decreases (knit 6, k2tog) all the way 'round, then do a plain round, then dec rnd again (k5, k2tog), plain rnd again, repeating these two rounds (and you know the next dec rnd is k4, k2tog, blah, blah, blah... just always do one less, if you're a newbie) and at 44 sts I switch yarn, continuing the decreases. Work till you have just five or so sts, work 2 or 3 rnds of i-cord, and you're done. Boob hat complete. Takes less than a day, if you pay attention there at the end for the decreasing.

I'll try to be less grumpy tomorrow. That Crocker Woman threatened to put a highly unflattering photo of yours truly on her blog. I'm much cuter in person, with my rockin' new hair cut. Today was just a day and tomorrow I get to try again. Take care, y'all. C


Stephanie said...

Oh. my. god. You are so fricken cute. Don't even start about the unflattering photos :) CUTE CUTE CUTE!

Hmmm...I guess a trip to Thailand is right out. But those penis' would certainly come in handy for more than one occasion *ahem* I can think of plenty besides getting a loan. How about..taking out the garbage. How about hanging the christmas lights. How about being fricken home in time for kids bedtime? Yes...I could indeed use another penis. The one I own right now isn't as appealing as it use to be. Maybe we could get a wholesale discount?

Robin said...

OMG get a glass of water and the Bottle of Anti-Anxiety pills - I can feel the heart palpatations all the way in Greenwood. Geeeeez-louise - two "rainy" days in a row - monsoon-like. What a bunch of crap - we need a break here from the financial side. You seem to have good Karma from the fiber and fabric Gods - what's the deal with cash?
The fabric you unloaded on Weds was extraordinary - beeeautimous. Just taking the plastic off the bolts allowed me to fondle the fabric - sigh. Maybe some advertisement for the establishment is needed..quickly.
Good thoughts and calm are wished for the Becher household and Clemintine's wonderful little world.

gaylen said...

You crack me up - and laughing still hurts! I can send you my uterus, oh wait, I don't have it anymore and it wouldn't help anyway! Idiots!

I finished another Stunt Stitcher skirt with plans for the 3rd today even if it kills me to sit at the machine. Have a great day. g

Dragonfly said...

OH, that picture of you is good! Besides I love seeing pictures of you. Ensures that I didn't imagine the crazy knitting lady in borders who I've come to know and love!

credit rating stuff is always a bit of a mystery to me. I had the opposite problem at one point. I paid off a loan and suddenly there must be something wrong with me because I didn't have enough credit extended to me.